


incorrect quotes:

by theAsh0



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:42:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27438280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theAsh0/pseuds/theAsh0
Summary: because we can all need a lil fun today, and celebrate! yay.just incorrect quotes, from my tumblr.oh, also the ridiculous mails  going around avenger &co.first chapter, falcon and winter soldier incorrect quotes!
Kudos: 6





	1. Incorrect Falcon and Winter Soldier quotes:

Bucky: “My memory is still a little hazy on some parts.”

Bucky: “It’s a work in progress kind of thing. The doctors say I just gotto be patient.”

Bucky: “I mean I can remember all my missions, but not what I had for breakfast today.”

Bucky: “Could be a trauma thing too they say, but you know all about that, so...”

Sam: *Inhales* “Yes. Let me help you out here.”

Sam: “Last week, I borrowed you ten bucks...”

Bucky: “Nah, can’t remember that.” 

-

Bucky, on the phone: “Hello. Is this Hydra?”

Sam: “Oh, stop being so melodramatic.”

Bucky: “.. no, don’t hang up. I’m calling about the position of supersoldier-assassin. Is it taken yet?”

Sam: “Actually, I should be the one offended. Stop pretending you didn’t like it.”

Bucky: “Does it still come with a full mind-wipe? I need all my memories gone. Forever.”

Sam: “If you didn’t want to be flashed, maybe don’t walk in on me in the shower?”

-

Bucky: “Hey, so does that mean we’re besties now?”

Sam: “Well, technically my best friend in a smudge of blood in the desert somewhere while the last person to know you went back in time and ditched you. So, yes. I guess we’re besties now.”

Bucky: “I am so sad right now.”

-

Zemo: "Hello Soldier. Remember me?"

Bucky: "Sorry. New arm. Who this?"

Zemo: ..?

Sam: "Ye. I think that joke will only work with some sort of connection there."

Bucky, lifting Zemo with his new Wakanda arm: "New arm.  _ Who this? _ "

Sam, laughing: "Yeah; that's perfect."

-  
  


Police: “Drop your weapons and put your hands on your head!”

Bucky, whose left arm is literally a weapon: “..?”

Police: “We said,..”

Bucky: -”Yes. If I were to pick one,..”

Police: “Then we're hazing you with bullets.” 

Bucky: “You guys…”


	2. Incorrect Avengers quotes:

Fury, sitting behind his desk, stroking Goose on his lap: “Sure, it looks like the world is going to pieces. But I think I can convince people this was the plan and turn this trainwreck around.”

Fury: “And sure, petting my alien cat makes me look like some kind of old Bond villain. But it might be just the right mix of mysterious and longing for the past that I can get everyone on board.”

Fury: “I mean even if I never knew what went down in my own agency I did better than the shitheads in charge right now.”

Fury: “All I need is to make my entrance at the right place, right time with enough kapow, and I’m sure everyone will be glad when I take over again.”

Clint, sticking his head down from a vent: “What the hell man? What are you doing down here? And didn’t Bucky kill you?”

Fury: “Yes. Like that. How do you get in there and is there space for one more and an alien cat?” 

-

Natashia: “People think I’m heartless because what I feel in my heart doesn’t translate to my face. There’s a disconnect there.” 

Bucky: “Fah, amateur! Know how when you get a heart-attack you feel it in your left arm? Welp..” *lifts left metal arm*

Tony *inhales sharply*: “This was supposed to be a secret I took to the grave, but..” 

Tony *snaps open shirt to reveal arch-reactor* “Ya lose, suckers!” 

-

Clint: “Hey guys. Sorry for being a fashionable half hour late to the fight. What’s up?” 

Steve, Tony, Sam, Bucky *are dead*

Clint: “Wow. Way to judge..”

Natashia *also dead*

Clint. “Fuck. Fiiiiine.” 

Clint *travels back in time*

Clint: hi guys sorry for being a fashionable fifteen minutes late. What’s up?” 

Steve, Tony, Sam, Bucky, Natashia: *”You’re late!!”*

Clint: “nailed it.” 

-

Steve: “Tony, trust me on this. The smear campaign means you are doing good.” 

Tony: “Really? It still feels like they hate me. They don’t hate me do they?” 

Steve: “Nah, they love you man.” 

Tony: “Still don’t like them dragging Pepper through the mud as well.” 

Steve: “You got this in a bag man, they go low, you go high. Raise your minimum wages by another ten and someone ‘ll probably send an assassin at you.” 

Tony: “And, not that I care but.. *then* I’ll be popular?” 

-

Tony: “Ok, Nat. so I think I figured it out. The board meeting thing.”

Natasha: *smiles mysteriously* 

Tony: “It’s Lennis, right? He’s playing the stock markets behind my back.”

Natasha: “Is he?”

Tony: “Oh my god, there’s more? Is he trading company secrets?”

Natasha: *smiles mysteriously* 

Tony: “I knew it!” *runs off*

Clint: “What was that about?”

Natasha: “Not a clue...” *smiles mysteriously*

-

Tony: “So, heating, airco. I think maybe in your case a built-in toolkit and medical supplies.”

Bucky *nods*

Tony: “Gps. Rockets, and a burglary alarm. Possibly the rockets instead of the whining sound. We all hate that whining sound.”

Bucky: “I guess.”

Tony: “It’ll need a parachute too.”

Sam: “Is Tony getting Bucky a spy car?”

Clint: “If only. Then I could get one.”

Clint: “Tony, will I get upgrades too if I lose an arm?”

**-**

Clint: “So, I think we agree. There is only one way to prove who is the best sniper between the two of us. And that entails shooting at a living target at 4000 yrds.”

Bucky: “Obviously, in some place with strong winds.” 

Clint: “Obviously. I’m thinking ‘classic apple on the head.’ With a weapon of choice. ”

Bucky: “As long as a miss is guaranteed to either result in death or serious injury.”

Clint: “Now, all we need is an idiot willing to place this apple on his head.”

Steve, summoned from 50 yrs out of the past: “Someone called?!”

-

Bucky: “Stark is my new best friend. <3” 

Steve, Natasha, Clint: “..?” 

Tony: “Ok, bad start. But remember I build Peter a suit to keep him safe?” 

Bucky, hearteyed: “I don’t, but that’s not the important part…” 

Tony: “Well anyway, he doesn’t alway wear the suit and danger can come from anywhere, so I built it to fit into a belt.” 

Tony: “And then, well Bucky actually suggested there might be others on this team that might benefit from not being able to kill themselves too easily. So, then I built you all...” 

Steve: “I’m not wearing that.” 

Bucky: “His needs a lock. Did you build one with a lock?” 

Steve: “It’s clashing with my style. It’s...” 

Tony: “Cap, you don’t have style. And, it looks exactly the same as your other suit’s belt?” 

Bucky: “It needs to not come off at all. Not even in the shower. Can you do that Stark?” 

-

Natasha: “I try not to do too many of those... facial expression things.” 

Nat: “Else, people will know what I’m feeling, before I’m speaking.” 

Nat: “I like it better if we get to be surprised together.” 

-

Avengers, sitting at their ‘round table’.

Steve: “So... We made it. Peace.”

Clint: “Yu~p!”

Steve:”For a whole week already. And.. probably even.. more weeks to come.”

Bucky, sliding over to Tony: “Any doomsdays devices you can activate right about now?”

Tony: “What? Why?” 

Bucky: “I really don't want to be the bad-guy again.”

Tony: “Well, neither do I..?”

Steve: “Just... peace. For ever. And ever. No dangers…”

Clint: “Hey. Is Cap... Having an asthma attack?”

Bucky: “Hurry Stark. Steve has been under immediate threat of death since he was two years old. Do something stupid now.”

-

Bucky: "rawr!"

Peter in Spiderman suit: "Wow, is that a metal arm? Cool!"

Bucky: "…"

Later: 

Bucky: "ye Steve,  _ nearly _ as old as you. But kids these days  _ still _ agree I'm the cool one."

-

Tony, with the other Avengers: “ okay. Wait! Wait! Before you say it’s a bad and dangerous and somewhat off-my-kilter kind of plan, let me explain.

“Because, I mean sure. If you look at it in a normal, boring way it is a bad plan. 

“But, if you look at it in a ‘it’s been four-days since I slept and morally and ethically I am dead inside right now and I just want some fun and if it kills me later that’ll probably improve the pounding in my head’ kind of way..”

Tony: “...and that’s the end of my argument that I hope none of you could follow because I was talking really fast. Nevermind. I’ll think of something new.” 


End file.
